How does a person usually react during a quarrel or conflict situation?
He is looking for the source of the problem and experienced pain in the actions of other people and often in loved ones. You can often hear such exclamations: “You made me angry! It was because of you that I yelled at the child.”
It is human usual to monitor the role of others in their misfortunes and shift responsibility for their condition and emotions to others. It’s always others to blame, if it wasn’t for their “shoal”, I wouldn’t have suffered.
Psychologists are often asked by couples to “Tell my husband that if he had changed, our life would be different” or “Do something to my wife to change her behavior.” In general, people tend to notice and emphasize the role of another person in a problem situation. If they were different, more tolerant/commending, we wouldn’t have problems and conflicts.
In search of the root of all problems, people often forget about their role in a conflict situation, because they are motivated to maintain good relations and cannot be part of the problem.
Often a person acts automatically, and simply does not see the position he takes in a conflict situation. Most often, during a conflict, whether it is obvious or hidden, negative emotions (anger, anger, resentment) come to the surface, in which it is difficult to control yourself and think soberly.
It is important to understand that accusing another puts a person in the position of a victim, which is quite difficult to get rid of. Life from the position of a victim does not contribute to finding happiness, as a person, in this case, feels helpless and offended. In addition, the victim’s position implies a reluctance to take responsibility for their emotions and behavior, which provokes conflict, and neglects attempts to change such behavior.
The answer to the question “What is the secret of a harmonious relationship?” simple enough – you need to focus on yourself and see your contribution to the problem situation!
Focusing on yourself will allow you to shift the perspective from others to yourself and see the problem in the relationship not as a result of the actions of another person, but as your own actions affect what is happening.
The ability to focus on yourself will allow:
- Get rid of the habit of blaming,
- Stop feeling like a victim,
- Change the way of thinking,
- Improve relationships with loved ones,
- Track your reactions and behavior, which will eventually lead to their change
Developing the skill of focusing on yourself will allow you to build a harmonious and happy relationship with loved ones and help to change the usual picture of the world.
How to assess the degree of concentration on yourself?
- Make a list of your shortcomings that you think create relationship problems.
- Rank the shortcomings from the most significant to the less significant.
This technique will allow you to see, first of all, what you bring to a conflict situation and will give you the field for reflection and analysis of your own actions.
