As a child, it is the father, the first man in a girl’s life, who is the source of love for her. But what if the father was either cruel, or excessively cared, or, on the contrary, ignored? Psychologists tell us how to let go of children’s grievances and start building healthy relationships with men.
Let’s consider several options for the girl’s relationship with her father and the impact on her adult life.
Cruelty
The most unpleasant is cruelty and rudeness, sometimes assault. The girl with whom the father behaves in this way secretly hates her parent and dreams, becoming an adult, of finding a prince on a white horse who will groom and cherish her. However, in adulthood, such cruel tyrants are more often among her chosen ones, there is a repetition of the generic scenario.
What can be done in such cases? First, not to pretend that the problem does not exist, but to admit that you were subjected to violence as a child. Perhaps even to cry with a little girl inside you – over the injustice of the world and the cruelty of the father. Sometimes it is useful to write a letter to yourself with the words that not all men are like a father.
If possible, it’s worth talking to your father. Not to clarify the relationship, but simply out of the desire to dot the “i”. Ask him to admit the fact of violence, then you can more easily let go of children’s grievances.
Lack of attention
If in childhood the father was as if, but at the most important moments of life he was absent (he has another family, other interests or he simply does not), then in adulthood a woman subconsciously looks for the very father she lacked so much. But most often the same characters are next to her: they either have another family, or they are from a completely different social class, or they just don’t like her. Sometimes such girls start dating young people early, just to avoid being alone.
You can solve the problem by increasing your self-esteem and learning to be self-sufficient, regardless of whether there is a man nearby or not. When men realize that you do not cling to them with your hands and feet, but are able to live independently, they will come and set their shoulders.
Excessive attention
The other extreme is when the father is so much cusing with his girl that his guardianship turns into mania. Returning home minute to minute, control over who the daughter communicates with, reprimands, what a scoundrel she can get into the paws of – too caring fathers sometimes turn the lives of girls into a real hell.
As a result, the girl, having escaped from constant care, becomes an iron lady who cannot be commanded, and who herself knows what, why and how. It is clear that men try to stay away from such a woman.
Try to find the positive aspects in the fact that your father too cared for you. Yes, maybe he was overdoing it, but he definitely loved you. So try to forgive him and build your life without looking back at the past.
