Everything comes from childhood – a phrase that people often hear, but do not attach much importance to it. And very in vain, because anxiety, the desire to control everything, despotism or indecision in the present are the result of injuries acquired at an early age. Clinical psychologists will tell how to recognize them.
A child who does not yet have personal experience unconditionally relies on adults – parents, grandparents and others. It is these people who shape his perception of the world, how he communicates with others and how he reacts to their actions. At the same time, there is no protective “filter”, and absolutely all information (regardless of whether it is good or bad) gets directly into the unconscious.
The “starting mechanism” of any injury is the events that occurred in the life of the child and were of great importance to him, even if adults do not know about it. Many injuries are repeated from generation to generation and eventually become the birth social norm. Therefore, many unhappy families may not guess that something is wrong with them.
There are 5 types of injuries that a person can get in childhood:
- Betrayal of loved ones: divorce of parents, ignoring adults, injustice
- Termination of the relationship: lack of attention when parents reject for no reason or say in a quarrel the phrases “You are not my daughter!”, “Alove from my eyes”
- Death of a significant person
- Health problems, chronic diseases, pathologies
- Violence to which a child is subjected or that occurs before his eyes
When a person grows up in a family where everyone humiliates and beats each other, he will unconsciously provoke such behavior of the partner and, having achieved what he wants, together with pain will experience another feeling – satisfaction. Contrary to common sense, the world of violence is comfortable for such people: the psychotraumatic situation returns to the familiar and well-known environment of the home. Since by nature, man always strives for stability, even one that can harm him. But it’s still considered safe for him.
What aspects of behavior should I pay attention to?
Thus, the consequence of aggressive behavior is the suffering of humiliation. If the parents punished, shouted or in any way physically affected the child. For example, they were often cornered, making you feel fear and self-doubt. Often, such a person, experiencing deprivation, restriction of freedom and shame for himself, can put the interests of other people above their own (trauma of the humiliated).
Permanent guilt is experienced by those who have experienced adult betrayal. A little person who is unable to analyze why this happened will look for the cause in himself and close himself. In the future, it is very difficult for such people to build a relationship because of excessive demands on themselves and their partner. They often have problems with expressing feelings and become cold and detached. “What if they betray me again?”
Those who were sick a lot in childhood grow up too suspicious and distrustful, because of which parents were forced to limit his movements and control the circle of communication. Usually hypercopying adults inspire such a person with a sense of worthlessness, that he is physically incomplete because he is not healthy.
Many “problem-free” children who were left to themselves or held the position of an elder (became parents for their moms and dads), years later turn into oppressive controllers who endure change. They are struggling to get used to new conditions and are afraid to make mistakes. And indifferent parents, who devalue their child’s feelings (failure to fulfill the promise, lack of support), prepare the ground for the development of daffodils-manipulators, who are “forbidden” to experience emotions.
Unwanted children, whom they actively tried to remake (born of the other sex), are prone to addictions and the creation of idols. Being rejected, they run away from reality into co-dependent relationships or dreams and fantasies with the help of prohibited substances. People with such problems also find it difficult to tolerate conflicts with a partner in whom they find the meaning of life.
How to get rid of the consequences of childhood injuries?
If you notice that some of your reactions to situations are atypical, this is already a good sign on the way to mental healing.
Remember situations in which you have experienced similar feelings. Try to find similar features in them to what happened to you as a child.
Voice all the emotions and feelings associated with the traumatic topic, do not hesitate to manifest them in their pure form. Many reactions in the present may seem illlogical to you, as the sensations are not tied to a specific situation, but refer to the past.
Accept, something bad that happened in childhood no longer threatens you, so you can act differently and there is no need to protect yourself.
Analyze what else, in addition to the typical stress reaction, is affected by the attitude: fears and injuries in one way or another affect everything that happens in life.
In order to change the usual scenario, it is necessary, first of all, to realize it. Communicating with your “inner child”, knowing about his needs, fears and experiences, you can become the parents you have always dreamed of – loving, understanding and caring. Good luck on your way!
